I bet she can sit down excellently...
I have very few new things to report from my life. On Saturday I went to a local ballpark to watch the Tigers, for 10 bucks I could get brats, burgers, dogs, chips, cookies and pop. I ate two brats, a cheeseburger, a bag of chips, two pops and some Australian Beer (fosters, I've always wanted to drink that stuff, cuz they have funny ads, "Fosters! Australian for Beeah!")
I shall rely on the comedian Mitch Hedberg for the rest of my post. I love Wikipedia. I have edited the language.
"I got a lamp in my hotel room and it has a 3-way lightbulb in it. If you don't know a lightbulb is a 3-way lightbulb, it messes with your head, because you go to turn it off and it just gets brighter. Like "Dang it, lightbulb, that's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do." And then you turn it again and it gets brighter once more. "I will break you."
"I was at the grocery store buying eight apples, and the clerk asked me if I would like a bag and I said, "No, man, I juggle! But I can only juggle eight. If I'm ever here buying nine apples, bag 'em up!"
"I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 AM and there was a sign that said, "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 AM and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, "Hey, I was here at 3 AM and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This shirt would be half done!""
"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.""
"I'd like to take a toothpick and throw it into a forest and say, 'You're home.'"
"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me, they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "What?" and turn my head slightly."
"My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?"
"And then at the end of the letter I like to write, "P.S. — This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.""
"This one guy said, "Look at that girl. She's got a nice butt." I said, "Yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently!""
Hope you enjoyed. There are so many more, but I feel that I'm slightly overdoing it as it is. here's the site, check it out for yourself, but there is some profanity...
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg
I shall rely on the comedian Mitch Hedberg for the rest of my post. I love Wikipedia. I have edited the language.
"I got a lamp in my hotel room and it has a 3-way lightbulb in it. If you don't know a lightbulb is a 3-way lightbulb, it messes with your head, because you go to turn it off and it just gets brighter. Like "Dang it, lightbulb, that's the exact opposite of what I wanted you to do." And then you turn it again and it gets brighter once more. "I will break you."
"I was at the grocery store buying eight apples, and the clerk asked me if I would like a bag and I said, "No, man, I juggle! But I can only juggle eight. If I'm ever here buying nine apples, bag 'em up!"
"I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 AM and there was a sign that said, "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 AM and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, "Hey, I was here at 3 AM and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology. This shirt would be half done!""
"I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there.""
"I'd like to take a toothpick and throw it into a forest and say, 'You're home.'"
"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone needs to get a hold of me, they just say, "Mitch," and I say, "What?" and turn my head slightly."
"My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?"
"And then at the end of the letter I like to write, "P.S. — This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.""
"This one guy said, "Look at that girl. She's got a nice butt." I said, "Yeah, I bet she can sit down excellently!""
Hope you enjoyed. There are so many more, but I feel that I'm slightly overdoing it as it is. here's the site, check it out for yourself, but there is some profanity...
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg
posted by Lindsey at 4:13 PM
3 Comments:
Funny, you should post some of those on Facebook.
I have ALWAYS wondered what the attraction is to butts! Now I know - one can sit down excellently! Mystery solved.
Hey Linds - since you have so much time...you must have senioritis real, real bad!
Get back to work girl!
hmm, yes senioritis has struck swiftly and hard...ly.
Post a Comment
<< Home