What Brown Did for Me...

UPS is directly responsible for my poor academic behavior yesterday. Also it is one of five things I will never (figuratively) complain about again::::
1. Having Class on Martin Luther King Jr. Day
2. The New UPS Logo (what's with swooshes and what was wrong with paul rand's I ask you?? I have included both for comparison)
3. Not Getting Enough Exercise.
4. Freak Michigan Weather
5. Toilets

These five things all dramatically formed my crazy monday. It began as a happy day, sleeping in on account of NORMAL (that is, not GVSU) schools being closed for MLK day, thusly: no work. Things started looking down whilst I was doodling ideas for our exhibit in my sketchbook. I looked out the window and was assaulted by the new UPS logo, glaringly large on a delivery truck. I festered for a few seconds about the mutilation of Rand's beautiful 1960s design, then noticed that Brown was delivering a package to our house! Oooo! It was close to 1, when I would have to depart to catch the bus to the main campus for my 3-D class (the one we're doing our "Only Designers Care" exhibit for, and strangely connected to UPS, because we talked about having a display of old vs. new logos, UPS was dealt with at length, as was Meijer). So, I gathered my bag, purse and coat and set them on the kitchen counter and decided to bring in the package from the porch.

You've probably guessed it by now and you're probably right. If you guessed that I went outside without my coat to quickly grab the package (sadly, not for me) and turned around only to find that the door was inexplicably locked...you were RIGHT!!! Words cannot describe the incredulous agony I felt. Five minutes to departure time, missing the bus was unavoidable and highly likely besides. So I went around back to see if by any divine chance the back door would be unlocked from when I let Samson out that morning...curses! No! And unfortunately the Backyard Auto Association (neighbors) were hard at work on some F-ing transmission and laughed greatly at my expense. They would have offered a beer and a lawn chair in their heated garage, but I ran back out front in my embarassment before they could make that familiar offer.

Because it was so nice and sunny (40 degrees) I sat on the porch resolutely for half an hour, calm and sure in my belief that Sandy had just "popped" out to Meijers for some groceries. I started to get a little chilly (coat, sitting on counter...) and decided to walk to the library, a few blocks away. The time was 1:30, so going to be late for class at 2. I sat down and read a book about Katharine Hepburn's style (yeah, a little boring, but it had funny pictures) and decided to head back to see if Sandy had "popped" back yet. Walk walk walk, hello Newspaper route boys on bikes, walk walk walk, hello lady putting an impossibly large package of pampers into her pickup truck, walk walk walk hello neighbors i'm sure she'll be here annnnnny second. It's 2 now, and no sign of the roomie. So I walked in the other direction to the park and wandered around the pond until a creepy minivan started driving slowly alongside me. I was a little scared since I only had the protection of my duck-swatting twig. Then I hit upon the genius idea of leaving Sandy a NOTE!! Oh HO! But...what to write upon, and with what to write? All questions that I rapidly answered with...library! Those scrap papers and pencils for writing call numbers on! Finally they'll have a use! So I walked back to the Library (looked dumb, cuz they'd just seen this wild haired hooligan in only a sweatshirt 20 minutes ago). Composed my note stating my location with words to the general effect of "HELP!!!" and asked a reference librarian for a piece of tape, explaining my situation in an attempt to alleviate any concern that she or the other library ladies (and the two library...lads) might feel by my continuted sporadic visits. Walk back to the house, pass the Newsies on bikes again, have to say hello because they're right in my way and waving at me, oh yes, we're old friends now. Awkwardly pass Pickup Lady who is now loading a sink into her truck. Slap the note onto the door and leave poor confused Samson once again looking out of the window and barking at me. Walk back to the library, via a different route this time, run into a man walking two pitbulls, and am reminded of the jingle in the Bernstein Law commercial "get the bernstein advantage, settlements for dooooog bites!"

Then I settled in good and hard at the library, after finding a nice funny book (written entirely in emails and answering machine messages, etc, very funny). 2:30. For the next few hours I ventured home a few times to check on the roomie status. The librarians were all sympathetic to my plight and held my book behind the desk each time I went out. They wouldn't let me check it out without ID, even though I have my 14 digit patron number memorized. Finally, at 6, Sandy comes into the library to rescue me, and I am by this time in the end stages of starvation. During this whole afternoon, more than being worried about missing class, I'm worried that Sandy went to Lansing and Joni's working late and the library closes at 8, and I won't get my movies back in time and I'd have overdue charges!!! After we arrived home, I got my movies, COAT and purse and DROVE back to the library to check out my book, return my movies and thank them for their hospitality. I ate my soup hungrily, drank two mugs of tea in rapid succession and watched 10 minutes of the Golden Globes before going upstairs to read and get ready for bed.

Then, at 10 pm., the toilet backed up. The blasted drains in the upstairs bathroom have serious issues. A 5 minutes shower leaves me ankle-deep in water. I have frequently expressed my anger at the toilet, and I think he got back at me last night. Of course I showered all forms of bitter diatribes upon his porcelain ears while trying to use a plunger whose glory days were during the Eisenhower administration. 45 minutes (and several hand blisters, and lots of arm muscle soreness) later I gave up, and poured drano down all the drains. I had nightmares about my feet melting off during my ankle-bath shower in the morning.

So, in the end, I had the day off, I sat in the sun on my porch (albeit minus a cigar), I got lots of exercise (both lower and upper body) and spent a nice long time in the library reading. Could have been worse.

Grocery list: Milk. Plunger. (soooo a U-Scan list).....