Culinary Curiousities...
WARNING: The following post may be traumatic for some viewers, please do not read if you are at all sensitive to matters of fine dining.
So. The other day I went to Meijer's hungry. Bad idea. Never go grocery shopping when you're hungry, you'll end up with random snack type items that don't make much of a meal. Like the following:
----5 yogurts (on sale! 10/4$)
----Bag of Cheese Nips (four cheese variety, also on sale)
----Box of off brand Cheese "bites," spicy gaucamole flavor! (why the cheese nips weren't enough? no clue, also on sale.)
----Loaf of bread (italian white, Aunt Millie's $1.19!)
----Saltine crackers (meijer brand, my reasoning was that I have a lot of soup)
----Package of sliced turkey (brand name: PlumRose...uh, what is a plumrose?? Should that be the name of my band?)
----5 cans of Tuna in water (Starfish brand was on sale! Perfect reason to buy!)
----Cottage Cheese (um...small curd was on sale!!!)
----Package of Monterey/Colby Jack shredded cheese (because cheese is good on everything right? also on sale...)
----Bag of Macintosh Apples (maybe it's just cuz I like the computers so much, but they're healthy! not on sale! shocking!)
----Shoes, corduroys, and two shirts (not to eat, but to wear to my new job, all on sale for cheap).
And there you have it. So when I got home, I was putting these items away and trying to decide what to eat for dinner. I should have had soup, but I wanted to put my new purchases to use (mustn't waste money now must we?). So, I will do this in a simple recipe format so that anyone who so desires can easily copy it for parties, meals, or Iraqi prisoner torture.
Ingredients:
3 Glops Cottage Cheese (small curd)
1 Can of Tuna (Starfish brand)
Cheese Nips (NOT "bites")
1 Macintosh Apple (because they make beautiful computers)
Salt
Begin by taking 3 spoon glops of Cottage cheese and slapping them into the bottom of a bowl (preferably the blue plastic ones that are kind of flat that Sandy only has three of). Combine tuna with cottage cheese. Be sure you drain the water out of the tuna can, not that anyone has ever forgotten to do this...or anything...right. Mix the tuna with the cheese for a few seconds, but this step is unimportant. Take a few handfuls of Cheese Nips and crush them over the Cottage Tuna base. At this point in the recipe, you are probably wondering what you can add to give it just that little extra zing. An Apple!!! Cut the apple. Core the apple. Slice the apple. Cut it into those little bites that people use in fruit salads. Put the apples on TOP of the Cheese Nips. Not important, but that's where they'll be because you thought of them last. Mix the ingredients and add salt and Cheese Nips to taste. Enjoy!
Note: I would like to state for the record that I actually ENJOYED this meal. This was not one of those Hazelnut Macaroni or Watery Scramble Eggs concoctions. It was yummy. It was not toxic. In no way could it have harmed me body-wise. It had fish, fruit, bread and cheese like material and salt. All very important. End of story.
So. The other day I went to Meijer's hungry. Bad idea. Never go grocery shopping when you're hungry, you'll end up with random snack type items that don't make much of a meal. Like the following:
----5 yogurts (on sale! 10/4$)
----Bag of Cheese Nips (four cheese variety, also on sale)
----Box of off brand Cheese "bites," spicy gaucamole flavor! (why the cheese nips weren't enough? no clue, also on sale.)
----Loaf of bread (italian white, Aunt Millie's $1.19!)
----Saltine crackers (meijer brand, my reasoning was that I have a lot of soup)
----Package of sliced turkey (brand name: PlumRose...uh, what is a plumrose?? Should that be the name of my band?)
----5 cans of Tuna in water (Starfish brand was on sale! Perfect reason to buy!)
----Cottage Cheese (um...small curd was on sale!!!)
----Package of Monterey/Colby Jack shredded cheese (because cheese is good on everything right? also on sale...)
----Bag of Macintosh Apples (maybe it's just cuz I like the computers so much, but they're healthy! not on sale! shocking!)
----Shoes, corduroys, and two shirts (not to eat, but to wear to my new job, all on sale for cheap).
And there you have it. So when I got home, I was putting these items away and trying to decide what to eat for dinner. I should have had soup, but I wanted to put my new purchases to use (mustn't waste money now must we?). So, I will do this in a simple recipe format so that anyone who so desires can easily copy it for parties, meals, or Iraqi prisoner torture.
Ingredients:
3 Glops Cottage Cheese (small curd)
1 Can of Tuna (Starfish brand)
Cheese Nips (NOT "bites")
1 Macintosh Apple (because they make beautiful computers)
Salt
Begin by taking 3 spoon glops of Cottage cheese and slapping them into the bottom of a bowl (preferably the blue plastic ones that are kind of flat that Sandy only has three of). Combine tuna with cottage cheese. Be sure you drain the water out of the tuna can, not that anyone has ever forgotten to do this...or anything...right. Mix the tuna with the cheese for a few seconds, but this step is unimportant. Take a few handfuls of Cheese Nips and crush them over the Cottage Tuna base. At this point in the recipe, you are probably wondering what you can add to give it just that little extra zing. An Apple!!! Cut the apple. Core the apple. Slice the apple. Cut it into those little bites that people use in fruit salads. Put the apples on TOP of the Cheese Nips. Not important, but that's where they'll be because you thought of them last. Mix the ingredients and add salt and Cheese Nips to taste. Enjoy!
Note: I would like to state for the record that I actually ENJOYED this meal. This was not one of those Hazelnut Macaroni or Watery Scramble Eggs concoctions. It was yummy. It was not toxic. In no way could it have harmed me body-wise. It had fish, fruit, bread and cheese like material and salt. All very important. End of story.
posted by Lindsey at 4:46 PM
7 Comments:
Good heavens! In the name of all that is good and tasty in this crazy world of ours, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?! You're mad! Mad, I say!
I stand by my statement that it was actually quite good. I had to make this declaration several times over the course of the evening to my housemates, whose frequent exclamations of "cheese nips!" were accompanied by a sad shake of the head.
All of those items by themselves would be just dandy and make a fine dinner its the combining them together that concerns me! What about the shredded cheese you forgot to include it? Maybe sprinkle some on top your yogart for your next meal? Ick.
Oh! My shredded cheese! Maybe I'll have that for dinner tonight. With macaroni noodles, and some crushed saltine crackers, and yeah. And I'm disastrously going to Meijers again tonight, hungry. So maybe I'll come home with some other random foodstuffs. And class is over, so I'm going now!
You are NOT your mother's daughter. SHE knows how to cook. Ye gods. I'm ill.
seriously, that is NASTY (note the capitals). Didn't your awesome SIL buy you a recipie book for Christmas last year? and to date you've tried ONE of them? talk about wasting money... ahem... hi.
Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't post my epicurean forays on here in the future, I seem to have frightened the masses.
Citations: yes, despite frequent urgings from that mother, I have never developed a taste for cooking (taste..ha ha). No twisted cheese sticks or spiced nuts from me (seriously, those things were awesome, I dream about them).
MFSILTB: uh....I guess it takes me a long time to digest one of those recipes (digest...ha ha). I promise I'll work on one and let you know. Maybe Pigs in a Blanket for the Superbowl Party coming up.
Speaking of which FOOOOOTBALLL!!!! I can't wait. Here's hopin it's Stealers vs. Seahawks (now that's football!!!)
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