It was a dark and stormy...afternoon. Da Wheeze and I are innocently reading in our room when the four year old Garbage Man (GM) walks in. As usual, he's talking.
He goes to Wheeze who's lying in her bed and spies her stuffed Bunny, named Bunny, and says "I kill rabbits you know." I look up from my murder mystery serial killer thriller slasher novel in slight amusement at the comment. He then proceeds to outline his job as Chief Bunny Shredder. Apparently, there's a big market for bunny soup, and they need one bunny a day to make the soup (but sometimes he gets called to chicago for a big job). Hey, it's a tough job, but someone's got to do it.
Wheeze and I stare in horror as GM tells us all about the machines he uses ("sometimes the shredder gets fuzzy, but we just clean it off"), what age rabbit he uh, shreds ("I only kill baby bunnies, so you don't have to worry about Bunny cuz he's old"), and how much he gets paid ("oh, three hundred million thousand").
You may be thinking that this young man has a scary and psychopathically murderous feeling towards animals of the Rabbit persuasion. You would be partly correct in that assumption. Ever since da Wheeze's pet bunny chewed through the power cord for GM's battery operated bulldozer, he's had a serious vendetta. He once asked "Mom, how do rabbits
die?" He also dons a helmet and equips himself with various "tools" and "weapons," heads into the basement (where Clover, the Bulldozer Slayer, resides) and informs us that he's "Going Bunny Hunting!" Strange, he even looks like Elmer Fudd.
I decided that it's just downright cruel for him to be shredding a baby bunny every day and I asked him if his job ever bothers him. "Oh, only when there are really really cute ones." I had an idea and called him on his "cell phone" (his hand) pretending to be his boss John Cardy (a name he supplied, also John is apparently a woman). I told him of this great new invention...Artificial Bunnies! He didn't have to kill any more baby bunnies!
"Uh, Lindsey, what do I do with my shredder now?" So I convinced him that there was still a need for Bunny Shredder Technicians with the artificial product and that actually he would get a raise,
four hundred million thousand. In the end he agreed to shred the artificial bunnies as long as he'd get the raise and John Cardy would marry him.
Strange child.
